Leadership Myth Busting #1… leadership is lonely

My children used to enjoy watching the TV show MythBusters. In the show, the presenters seek to test whether a commonly held belief is actually based in fact or not (for example, is it really impossible to find a needle in a haystack, or can dripping water on your forehead really drive you insane?). They then go through various crazy experiments to see whether the myth is based in truth – or if it is in fact busted!

This is the first in a series of posts where I want to do some leadership myth-busting. I believe there are certain myths about leadership that have become accepted as things that simply go with the turf of being a leader in the 21st century. In particular, when these myths are examined against Scripture and the example of Jesus (our ultimate standard in Grab a Towel), then they become busted as fabrications that can prevent leaders from fulfilling their God-given potential as leaders.

So let’s dive into myth number 1… the myth that leadership is lonely.

I have heard this phrase countless times when people bemoan the challenges of leadership.I have heard it from church leaders and business leaders alike. I’ve also discussed this with emerging leaders who have seen the seemingly lonely path that leaders have trod before them and wonder if there isn’t a better way. Like Thanos, in Marvel’s End Game, the loneliness of leadership seems to say to emerging leaders ‘I am inevitable’.

It is true that many leaders are lonely. But is it really inevitable…and, more importantly, is it biblical?

In the Bible God consistently provided companionship and support for those he called into leadership. Leaders were not called in isolation. Consider Moses and Aaron, David and Jonathan, Mary and Elizabeth, Paul and Barnabas as just some examples. Companionship and community were an integral part of the lives of biblical leaders. Jesus recognised this and sent his disciples out in pairs (Mt. 10; Lk 10; Mk6). When Elijah faced isolation, depression and loneliness following his gargantuan struggle Ahab and Jezebel, God met with him in the still small voice and reminded him that there were still 7000 other faithful followers of God in Israel! Then God called him to seek out relationship with others – most notably Elisha who would become his successor (see 1 Kings 19). And when a great leader like Paul found himself isolated and alone, he reached out to others because he knew the dangers of loneliness (e.g. 2 Tim. 4:9-13).

What are those dangers:

I remember being in Kenya a number of years ago. My host took me to the Nairobi Game Reserve where we got to see some of the beautiful wildlife. As we came up one rise in the car – we saw a lone buffalo in the tall grass just up ahead. ‘Very dangerous’, my friend and host warned… ‘buffalo’s can be dangerous – but be particularly careful of a lone buffalo’. We cautiously drove by… not wanting to disturb the dangerous loner.

The lone buffalo may look a bit like a superhero that has got it all together – standing away from the herd and making its own decisions regardless of the consequences… but observers are right to be wary of their unpredictability. I don’t believe God wants his leaders to be lonely because lonely leaders can be dangerous. They are a danger to themselves because of the vulnerability that comes with carrying a weight of leadership that needs to be shared with others. And they are dangerous to others as loneliness can often be accompanied by a lack of accountability – resulting in poor decision making with disastrous consequences.

In Grab a Towel, I write the following:

Yes – there are times when leaders need to have the resolve to stand alone in their convictions when all around them think they are crazy! However, this should not be the norm when we consider the example of Jesus. For Christ-centred servant leaders, relationships are critical. It was from the foundation of loving relationships amidst diverse cultural backgrounds, that the early church had “everything in common” and was able to share its possessions: “they gave to anyone as he had need” (Acts 2:42-45). The loneliness of leadership is therefore a contradiction in terms for Christ-centred servant leaders who are grabbing a towel to express compassionate love to others.

Jesus had to stand alone… He was the only one that could walk the path that led to his crucifixion. But even in the deepest of trials to face any human being, he still reached out to others.. Facing the agony ahead of him, he went to the Garden of Gethsemane to seek His Father’s will. But he didn’t go alone. He took his closest companions (Mark 14:32). And even when they failed him and ultimately deserted him, we see Jesus consistently reaching out to people both on the road to Golgotha and on the cross itself (see Luke 23:26-43 and John 19:25-26). His example demonstrates that when we are called to stand alone, it is not an excuse to capitulate our need for relational connection to others.

So the myth is busted – Christ centred servant leadership should not be lonely. However, many of us have experienced loneliness, or have been hurt and become extremely guarded in our relationship with others. That pain is real. And the 21st century challenge of loneliness is so pervasive that the UK government have now appointed a minister of loneliness. Certainly, many of us in leadership should seek professional help and support in order to navigate the loneliness we may be feeling.

But here are just a few pointers to help us navigate this sensitive topic and begin to find a roadmap – particularly for those who are starting out on their leadership journey:

• Don’t accept the loneliness of leadership as an inevitability. Rather see leadership as an opportunity to forge diverse relationships that can add great richness to your life.

• Reach out to people. Be vulnerable. Don’t try and be invincible. Be honest about your weaknesses and shortcomings.

• Offer hospitality. This is the biblical antidote to loneliness.

• Watch how busy you are getting. Take up a hobby which can provide fuel for relationship building and for making conversation.

• Always be accountable… don’t make decisions in isolation. Include people into your decision making process. Share the load.

• Mentor/disicple others. Pass on your knowledge, experiences – the good, the bad and the ugly.

• Commit to a church and don’t give up meeting with others – even when it gets tough…

  And let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.’ (Hebrews 10:24-25)