Leadership Myth Busting

We’ve all been there… wowed by a leader who exudes charisma. There is something about their magnetic personality that demands attention. They walk into a room and their presence is felt – even before they say anything. For many people, charisma is a quality that is synonymous with being a “born leader”. But, is this a myth? Clearly, some people have a more charismatic personality than others. However, do people with charisma automatically make good leaders?

A quick google search can inform you that charisma is defined as compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others. Often this devotion is given unquestioningly. We may say there is an aura about a particular person. But there can be a dark side to charisma. It can disguise character flaws and, if left unchecked, leave followers vulnerable to being manipulated and even abused by their leader.

Michael Green writes,

Charisma without character is a catastrophe.

Andy Hawthorne goes further:

You’d have thought we’d have learned by now that giftedness doesn’t equal godliness, and that charisma doesn’t always equal character. It’s a lot easier to say the right stuff than to live the right life.

As I’m writing this, I’m thinking of some leaders who have played a huge role in my own life. Some are naturally charismatic. But many aren’t. In fact, those that have had a lasting impact are those that demonstrated qualities that don’t always make the headlines in leadership literature. They were consistent, reliable, steady, faithful and wise. These are characteristics they developed in the school of hard knocks. I encourage you to seek out such leaders who can help you navigate the challenges of life and leadership.

*Image by Freepik

Disclaimer: sometimes writing a blog involves rethinking my own approach to leadership.

I consider myself an efficient, outcomes-based, and productive leader. I remember getting my first blackberry (in the late noughties) and the joy of being able to redeem lost time by replying to emails while sitting through dull meetings, waiting in supermarket queues, and sat on the toilet! I’ve felt that technology has equipped me to multi-task effectively, enabling me to spin many plates at the same time and make better use of the limited number of hours there is in every day.

And now, with the Covid-19 lockdown and the utilisation of more technology (Zoom, Teams, Skype et al.), I am increasingly faced with the temptation to do multiple things at once. Particularly while attending online meetings I can simultaneously write an email, respond to WhatsApp messages, check my diary etc. etc. as I nonchalantly Alt-Tab from window to window (as a Microsoft user). I must even confess that I started writing this blog on the myth of multitasking while I was attending a webinar (hypocrite you correctly accuse)!

But I’m reconsidering my position and wondering whether my penchant for muti-tasking is actually a form of ill-discipline… and simply an excuse for not giving one person or task the attention it deserves, while compromising on the excellence of my work and causing myself undue stress in the process. Additionally, beyond multi-tasking, I’m guilty of multi-thinking; not allowing my mind to switch off. At any time of day or night, during conversations and even ‘family-time’, my thoughts can drift back to work-matters, my to-do list, or the next blog I want to write. Is this just how I’m wired? Or is it inherently unhealthy?

As you can see – I’m processing. But let me back up because it was something I read that has led me into this mini-crisis to doubt whether I should truly aspire to be a miracle-working multi-tasker.

John Mark Comer has written an easy-to-read yet challenging book called The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry (a must-read for 21st-century leaders). At the end of the book, he gives 20 pieces of advice to help slow our lives down. Number 14 on his list is Single-Task. Just the word hit me between the eyes. I’ve heard many people laud the qualities of multi-tasking – but I didn’t even think that single-tasking was a thing. Comer says:

I’ve come to realise the obvious: multitasking is a myth. Literally. Only God is omnipresent.

Given that I’m into this “leadership myth-busting thing” I was convicted by his statement. Have I bought into the multi-tasking myth and is my pride in being able to multi-task really a figment of my imagination? Am I really trying to be godlike when I multi-task as this would clearly be overreaching myself? He goes on to say:

Multitasking is just sleight of hand for switching back and forth between a lot of different tasks so I can do them all poorly instead of doing one well

Wow! I’m now on the ropes and Comer gives a knockout punch by quoting theological giant, Walter Brueggemann:

Multitasking is the drive to be more than we are, to control more than we do, to extend our power and our effectiveness. Such practice yields a divided self, with full attention given to nothing.

Oops! I didn’t see that coming!

As I’ve been reflecting on this it has caused me to consider what I’m modelling to others. Does my outcomes-based, productivity-centred, goal-oriented approach model to emerging leaders something that is actually unattainable and potentially harmful to their leadership development? Am I both robbing people of my full attention and sending subliminal messages to those I lead that makes them feel devalued?

Slowing down to properly focus and attend to each task at a time does seem like a counter-cultural leadership practice – and therefore is, more than likely, a Christlike approach to leadership. I’ve been reading the accounts of Jesus life and teaching again recently, and have been struck by his single-task focus. No-one ever got his divided attention!

April Yamaski in her book Sacred Pauses also advocates for greater simplicity – for single-tasking. She argues that moving towards greater simplicity in our daily scheduling is a spiritual practice that can enable us to become more effective. Yamaski writes:

Simplicity is not only about letting go of the things of this life; it also means being centred on what really matters… Simplicity means that I don’t need to be multitasking every moment. Instead, I can slow down to pay attention to one thing at a time.

Maybe the underlining myth is that leading complex, full lives that stretch us to the limit of our capacity is somehow what’s required of us as leaders. Multi-tasking then flows as we succumb to unhealthy and unrealistic expectations. There is no miracle of muti-tasking. The miracle for me is if I can simplify my life in such a way that enables me to provide focused, meaningful, God-honouring attention to one task at a time.

After all, Jeremy Clarkson has reportedly quipped, multitasking is the ability to screw everything up simultaneously!

So I’m going to start an experiment in single-tasking. It’s going to take a fair amount of reprogramming the way I operate. I’ll need to develop some early warning systems to alert me when I revert to type. But let’s see what happens. Maybe I’ll end up in complete agreement that the miracle of multitasking is definitely a myth worth busting.

“People mean problems…”

To my shame, this is a phrase I have used in the past. And it seems like a fact of leadership… the more people we have around us, the more problems we can end up dealing with. We’ve just been through our annual appraisal season at The Message SA. On my good days, I recognise that the appraisal season is a good time to unearth some of the challenges that my team are facing and find constructive ways to deal with them. On my bad days, my insecurities emerge and I become unduly concerned that we’ll uncover latent problems that will absorb time, effort and emotional energy. Clearly, this comes from past challenges and hurts and can lead to the second element of the same myth: the more people we lead, the more problems we will face.

These attitudes can debilitate us from effectively leading our teams because it causes us to devalue our most important asset – those we are leading. The consequence is that the myth of people mean problems makes it impossible to be a servant leader because the foundation of servant leadership is that we value others as of the utmost importance. When we believe that people mean problems, we can end up isolating ourselves from people and building barriers rather than bridges. This is the antithesis of servant leadership because it is the antithesis of how Jesus viewed people.

Would Jesus have said ‘people mean problems’? Of all people – Jesus was qualified to make this statement because he didn’t carry the baggage of sin. He could have easily written us all off because we do carry problems. However, rather than write us off, Jesus invited those of us with insecurities, hang-ups, issues, and problems to come to Him:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30

Throughout his life on earth, Jesus continually sought out people with problems. He hang-out with those who no doubt drained him emotionally, frustrated him no end, and caused him undue stress. And in so doing, he called out latent potential and saw many ‘problem people’ be transformed (e.g. Zacheus and the Samaritan woman).

The beautiful reality that we now behold as leaders following in Christ’s example is that the same invitation that Jesus made 2000 years ago, is available to us today. So, when we encounter people with problems, we don’t have to be their solution. In fact, if we try and be their solution, we will just add to their problems. But we can ask Jesus to help us love and serve them in such a way that will enable them to take their stress, pain and sorrow to Him. He is the only one who can carry their burdens and heal their brokenness.

Yes, people do have problems and they carry problems and can cause problems. But we must never define people by the problems they carry. When we do that, we lose any opportunity to actually help and empower the people we lead to overcome those problems and become positive and constructive team members.

To really debunk this myth we need to reframe how we think about people. Here are four ways we can re-prorgamme our thinking to help us Grab a Towel and genuinely value people.

1. People are your priority. In Grab a Towel I write that we must Put People First! People must come before programmes, projects and profit. If we only see people as a means to an end, then we devalue them because we will judge them based upon their output and contribution to our agenda. This means that when problems do emerge, we are quick to write people off because they are no longer adding value towards our goals. If this is how we view people, then we need to have our minds and hearts transformed. People are our priority. If we accomplish great feats in life but hurt people, ruin relationships and blaze a trail of pain and fear, then I’m afraid that we have accomplished nothing of lasting value.

2. People have potential. At The Message we believe that every person has potential. We view our mission as uncovering dormant potential where others don’t see it… in prisons, gangs and tough communities. The reason we believe that every person has potential is because Jesus was not selective in who he chose to die for. His death was once and for all (Romans 6:10). The message of the bible is eternally inclusive! If Jesus thought every person worth dying for, then I need to get on the same page as Him and have faith that even people who may cause me the most problems, still have the potential for greatness.

3. People are your pride. I love how Paul talks about people. Whether the church in Thessalonica (see 1 Thess. 1:2-3) or individuals like Timothy whom he was mentoring (see 2 Timothy 1:3-5), Paul exuded great pride in his friends and team-mates. The secret to taking healthy pride in your people is to start looking for what they are doing well and praise them for it. An atmosphere of encouragement builds trust and enables people to fulfil their potential. Additionally, boast about your people to others… let people know that you take pride in your team. [On that note… I’m so blessed to lead the greatest team – so I’ll let the rest of you fight it out for second place!]

4. People are not perfect. At the risk of a seeming contradiction, this is critical to overcoming the myth of seeing people as problems. Sometimes the myth rears it’s ugly face because our expectations are simply too high… we’re asking people to be perfect. This causes all kinds of undue stress and strain. If we recognise that people aren’t perfect then it allows people the freedom to mess up, fail, and cause us the occasional problem. The environment we need to foster should allow people to make mistakes in the knowledge that second-chances are always available – because we recognise that we ourselves are not perfect. This contributes to a redemptive environment that fosters unity and hope.

Let’s not buy into the myth of writing people off as problems. In the diversity of our teams, there is so much we can learn. In the words of Eugene H. Petersen

People are not problems to be solved. They are mysteries to be explored.

As we put people first we will find that exploring these mysteries will lead us to become richer people able to better grab a towel and serve others.

‘My goal is to work myself out of a job.’

I’ve heard the statement many times. I’ve probably said it myself. I don’t think anyone says it with anything other than well-intentioned motives. However, is it factual… or is it a myth?

When a leader, pastor, manager or executive is asked; what is your main goal, they may well reply; ‘to work myself out of a job’. It’s one of those statements that sounds so convincing and perhaps is adopted by many people as a de facto goal of being a leader. But, is working yourself out of a job a realistic aim.? Or is it a myth? Does grabbing a towel as a servant leader mean that working yourself out of a job becomes an imperative aim?

One article I read (by Robert Greiner) describes working yourself out of a job in this way:

[it] means building up your team in such a way that someday you could walk away from your project and everything would continue running normally without a hitch. In order to do this you must invest greatly in your team. You must push and inspire them to grow and improve their skill set. You must keep them from becoming demotivated and complacent.

The anticipated culmination of this process is that someone moves from purely accomplishing certain delegated tasks that the leader assigns them, to being able to take full responsibility for the role.

He then goes on to write: In the process of working yourself out of a job, you also need to focus on working yourself into the next job.

I have to concede that this is probably great advice if your goal is to climb the corporate ladder. Clearly, empowering others is a really great goal and one of the hallmarks I wrote about in Grab a Towel. But, as we’ve seen previously in this series, we are testing conventional wisdom through the lens of becoming a Christ-centred servant leader. The conventional wisdom here is that we work ourselves out of a job in order that we can take another position and increase our opportunities for influence (and possibly earning capacity). The danger is that working yourself out of a job is less about empowering others, and more about self-advancement.

The question we should ask of all conventional leadership wisdom is, did Jesus subscribe to this approach? Would Jesus have said, ‘I’ve come to earth in order to work myself out of a job’?

You might argue that Jesus did say it was better that he went away in order that he could send the Holy Spirit… but Jesus wasn’t saying his job was done at that point. Rather, it was just beginning (John 16:7). He would continue to empower the disciples (Acts 1:8) and intercede on their behalf (Romans 8:34). Jesus did not simply ‘do himself out of a job’ – he called and trained up 12 people in whom he invested over three intense years. The disciples were not qualified and at times they were not particularly reliable! However, after his resurrection, he was able to call them together and commission them to go into all the world and become disciple-makers themselves. By training the apostles, Christ multiplied his effectiveness as they likewise committed themselves to this process of multiplication. Christ’s work wasn’t completed when he ascended to heaven. Rather, his capacity was multiplied 12 times – and multiplied exponentially more as the growth ratio of the early church exploded after Pentecost.

I believe the language of servant leadership should focus on empowering others in order that we can multiply impact, rather than build our own portfolio to enable us to move up the next step of our own leadership ambitions. Rather, as servant leaders, we should always be prepared for change and that some people we have mentored may surpass us in what they accomplish. That doesn’t mean we’ve worked ourselves out of a job. Rather, our job has simply changed.

I was recently at the induction service of a friend. Just over three years ago his father, who had planted and pastored a church in Cape Town, had suddenly passed away. In the immediate aftermath of this tragic death, his wife (my friend’s mom) took on the reigns of pastoring the church. Now, three years on, she was passing those reigns on to her son. At the induction she said something that really struck a chord with me; ‘My role now is to cheer him on as my son and serve under him as my pastor’. She recognised that even though she didn’t have the title of Senior Pastor anymore, she still had a role to play. Her work wasn’t done! Perhaps, in many ways, it is just beginning!

Again, conventional wisdom is that a senior leader should not only step aside when they hand over the reins to someone else, rather they should also move out of the way completely. I guess we all know of some disastrous cases where a founder, executive leader or senior pastor has tried to step aside, only to continue interfering and completely undermine their incumbent. And yes, in some cases the best job a former leader can do is to put some distance between them and their successor – particularly if their meddlesome interference is going to cause damage.

However, just because we can point to negative experiences, doesn’t mean that should shape our approach to succession planning. I believe a biblical goal is to recognise that we may always have a role to play in the lives of those who succeed us. We haven’t ‘done ourselves out of a job’ when someone succeeds or surpasses us – because we still have the responsibility to continue to serve them, cheer them on, pray for them, create more opportunities for them, speak well of them, encourage them, maybe occasionally (very occasionally) rebuke them and do whatever we can to ensure that they do a better job than we could ever have done. This is not simply a matter of positional leadership (I’ve worked myself out of a job so I can now focus on my next role). Rather, it concerns the nature of the relationship we have with emerging leaders and what it truly means to leave a legacy.

Afrika Mhlope writes: ‘Occupiers of positions lose their influence as soon as they vacate their positions, but leaders don’t. Effective leaders continue to be influential even after someone else occupies their former position and takes over their title. Defective leaders, on the other hand, are solely dependent on positions and titles in order to lead’ (in A Passion for Position).

I believe this approach will change the focus of our goals as leaders. We’re not interested in simply working ourselves out of a job, but creating a foundation for an exponential ripple effect as we identify, support, multiply and cheer on those within our sphere of influence.

Maybe you feel that the myth has not been busted and that this is simply a matter of semantics. However, perhaps you will think twice when you state this as a goal in the future. I hope you will ask yourself the hard questions; am I seeking to work myself out of a job to genuinely create opportunities for others, or is it simply about my own self-advancement? And is my job really ever done… or does the nature of my role simply change over time? If we ask ourselves these questions, then perhaps we’ll be grappling with what the word legacy really means.

Notes:

1. one great example to consider is how David provided an incredible platform for Solomon when his son succeeded him as king. See 1 Chronicles 28-29.

2. I have uploaded a chapter from my book, The Pace Setter, which looks a little at this theme. Click here to open the article.

I have had numerous conversations recently with leaders who are recognising the need to become more vulnerable in their leadership. However, they are concerned that exposing weakness may undermine their leadership authority. For too long, leaders have been told (either implicitly or explicitly) that revealing weaknesses leaves us open to being exploited and manipulated. I believe this is a leadership myth that desperately needs to be busted.

The mantra goes something like: ‘If you don’t have the confidence to follow through on a decision, then fake it till you make it.’ In other words, deceive your followers into thinking that you don’t have doubts, that you are somehow impenetrable in your conclusions, and, therefore, you are devoid of weaknesses. If you don’t feel that way… fake it. Don’t reveal what you feel on the inside. And if you harden yourself enough in this way, then perhaps you just might make it… you’ll deceive people long enough for them to believe you are the persona that you are portraying.

Additionally, if you are feeling low, down or overwhelmed, then the answer is fake it till you make it. Leaders don’t have the luxury to show their feelings – particularly to their so-called sub-ordinates. Suck it up! If you reveal emotional weakness then your days will be numbered as a leader because there’s always someone with the mental toughness ready to step into your shoes.

This is the myth of super-hero leadership that I have sought to debunk in Grab a Towel. Fake it till you make it is not a hallmark of Christ-centred servant leaders because I don’t think those are words that would have come from the lips of Jesus Christ.

Jesus had no problem with expressing vulnerability because he didn’t lead from an impenetrable fortress of autocracy. Rather, he led out of relationships forged through loving friendship, devoted companionship, and genuine trust. As such, Jesus was not afraid to publicly express grief (Jn. 11:35), compassion (Mt. 9:36), tiredness (Jn. 4:6), frustration (Mk. 9:19)  and feeling overwhelmed with sorrow (Mt. 26:38). He allowed those closest to him to see him at his most vulnerable giving them an example that they should follow him (Jn. 13:15).

Likewise, David, the great king of Israel, had no issue expressing his vulnerabilities and frustrations. Read any of the psalms he penned which are painfully transparent as he grappled with issues of failure, fear and faith.

Both King David, and Jesus, the Son of David, show us that being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness that will lead to rejection. Rather, being vulnerable takes courage and strength. Perhaps this is best expressed in the words that they both utilised in their time of greatest trial… ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me’ (penned originally by David in Psalm 22:1 and quoted by Jesus on the cross – see Matthew 27:46). David and Jesus did not fake it till they made it . They publicly confessed their anguish. And their example has stood the test of time. In particular, Jesus’ continues to draw the trust of hundreds of millions of followers who relate to his humanity, while worshiping his divinity.  

Ultimately, being fake breaks trust. It seems almost too obvious to need to write it out. If you buy a product with a certain label on it only to find out that it’s a counterfeit, then you would not trust that supplier again. Surely we should apply that same logic to our leaders. If you found out your leader was faking it in their attempt to make it, would you continue to trust them, respect them, and follow them?

We live in a world where fake is being capitalised on – to the detriment of our society. Fake news has always been around in various guises, but the internet has turned it into a multi-million-dollar industry. Due to the propensity to propagating lies, we now need to ‘fact check’ everything we read to ensure it is trustworthy. And all of us, through a toxic combination of social media and Photoshop, are able to portray a fake image of ourselves to the world. We then need to deal with the incongruity of knowing that what we display on the outside is not who we really are (so much so that we might want to call one of the platforms FakeBook). This leads to feelings of insecurity and growing fears that we will ultimately be rejected when people actually discover the truth about us. So the vicious cycle of faking it continues until we eventually are too broken to function effectively (expressed in burnout, depression, loneliness etc).

Hopefully the myth has been busted. Christ-centred servant leaders don’t need to fake it till they make it. Rather, we need to be committed to the following:

1. Authenticity. We don’t need to try to be someone else and we mustn’t always pretend that everything is OK. Rick Warren has written: You are not authentic until you can publicly admit how inauthentic you are most of the time. Authenticity begins when you start admitting that you are inauthentic.

Yes, we can learn from others and ultimately we learn from the example of Christ. We must allow Jesus to transform us from the inside out through the power of the Holy Spirit. This happens over time as we cultivate our relationship with him. But this process cannot be short-circuited or manipulated. We need to acknowledge that we are a work in process. Simply saying ‘I don’t have all the answers’, can free us and enable us to learn from others, lean on others and commit to being someone who leads out of relationships rather than position or power.

2. Vulnerability. Let me take some pressure off you… you will make mistakes. You will let people down, fail, want to give up, feel down – etc. etc. (I’ve got all those t-shirts). You get the picture! The reality is that everyone you lead already knows your failings – normally better than you know them yourself. And they know that they also have their own weaknesses and struggles. By admitting your own struggles, you give other people permission to also be vulnerable about their difficulties. This is a culture we need to imbibe in our families, organisations and churches. It provides an environment for people to be free to be authentic. This is why James teaches us to: confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Confession and prayer are two timeless disciplines that all servant leaders need to model… and they are antidote to being tempted to fake it.
3. Integrity. The Blackaby’s state it well: Integrity means being consistent in one’s behaviour under every circumstance, including those unguarded moments. If leaders are normally peaceable and well mannered, but they throw violent temper tantrums when things go wrong, their lives lack integrity. If leaders are honest and moral in public, but discard those standards in private, their lives lack integrity. When leaders have integrity, their followers always know what to expect. Simply put, those who fake it lack integrity and are untrustworthy. Integrity demands that we seek to be consistent, honest and open. This is the pathway to forging a Christ-like character (see chapter 1 of Grab a Towel).

The reality is, we don’t serve anyone by being fake. Servant leaders grab a towel and serve others through being authentic, vulnerable and maintaining their integrity. This allows God to turn weaknesses into strengths. It’s a brave path that is not trodden by many leaders in the 21st century. Let’s not fake it till we break it, but follow the mantra of Paul who said, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (1 Cor. 12:10).

My children used to enjoy watching the TV show MythBusters. In the show, the presenters seek to test whether a commonly held belief is actually based in fact or not (for example, is it really impossible to find a needle in a haystack, or can dripping water on your forehead really drive you insane?). They then go through various crazy experiments to see whether the myth is based in truth – or if it is in fact busted!

This is the first in a series of posts where I want to do some leadership myth-busting. I believe there are certain myths about leadership that have become accepted as things that simply go with the turf of being a leader in the 21st century. In particular, when these myths are examined against Scripture and the example of Jesus (our ultimate standard in Grab a Towel), then they become busted as fabrications that can prevent leaders from fulfilling their God-given potential as leaders.

So let’s dive into myth number 1… the myth that leadership is lonely.

I have heard this phrase countless times when people bemoan the challenges of leadership.I have heard it from church leaders and business leaders alike. I’ve also discussed this with emerging leaders who have seen the seemingly lonely path that leaders have trod before them and wonder if there isn’t a better way. Like Thanos, in Marvel’s End Game, the loneliness of leadership seems to say to emerging leaders ‘I am inevitable’.

It is true that many leaders are lonely. But is it really inevitable…and, more importantly, is it biblical?

In the Bible God consistently provided companionship and support for those he called into leadership. Leaders were not called in isolation. Consider Moses and Aaron, David and Jonathan, Mary and Elizabeth, Paul and Barnabas as just some examples. Companionship and community were an integral part of the lives of biblical leaders. Jesus recognised this and sent his disciples out in pairs (Mt. 10; Lk 10; Mk6). When Elijah faced isolation, depression and loneliness following his gargantuan struggle Ahab and Jezebel, God met with him in the still small voice and reminded him that there were still 7000 other faithful followers of God in Israel! Then God called him to seek out relationship with others – most notably Elisha who would become his successor (see 1 Kings 19). And when a great leader like Paul found himself isolated and alone, he reached out to others because he knew the dangers of loneliness (e.g. 2 Tim. 4:9-13).

What are those dangers:

I remember being in Kenya a number of years ago. My host took me to the Nairobi Game Reserve where we got to see some of the beautiful wildlife. As we came up one rise in the car – we saw a lone buffalo in the tall grass just up ahead. ‘Very dangerous’, my friend and host warned… ‘buffalo’s can be dangerous – but be particularly careful of a lone buffalo’. We cautiously drove by… not wanting to disturb the dangerous loner.

The lone buffalo may look a bit like a superhero that has got it all together – standing away from the herd and making its own decisions regardless of the consequences… but observers are right to be wary of their unpredictability. I don’t believe God wants his leaders to be lonely because lonely leaders can be dangerous. They are a danger to themselves because of the vulnerability that comes with carrying a weight of leadership that needs to be shared with others. And they are dangerous to others as loneliness can often be accompanied by a lack of accountability – resulting in poor decision making with disastrous consequences.

In Grab a Towel, I write the following:

Yes – there are times when leaders need to have the resolve to stand alone in their convictions when all around them think they are crazy! However, this should not be the norm when we consider the example of Jesus. For Christ-centred servant leaders, relationships are critical. It was from the foundation of loving relationships amidst diverse cultural backgrounds, that the early church had “everything in common” and was able to share its possessions: “they gave to anyone as he had need” (Acts 2:42-45). The loneliness of leadership is therefore a contradiction in terms for Christ-centred servant leaders who are grabbing a towel to express compassionate love to others.

Jesus had to stand alone… He was the only one that could walk the path that led to his crucifixion. But even in the deepest of trials to face any human being, he still reached out to others.. Facing the agony ahead of him, he went to the Garden of Gethsemane to seek His Father’s will. But he didn’t go alone. He took his closest companions (Mark 14:32). And even when they failed him and ultimately deserted him, we see Jesus consistently reaching out to people both on the road to Golgotha and on the cross itself (see Luke 23:26-43 and John 19:25-26). His example demonstrates that when we are called to stand alone, it is not an excuse to capitulate our need for relational connection to others.

So the myth is busted – Christ centred servant leadership should not be lonely. However, many of us have experienced loneliness, or have been hurt and become extremely guarded in our relationship with others. That pain is real. And the 21st century challenge of loneliness is so pervasive that the UK government have now appointed a minister of loneliness. Certainly, many of us in leadership should seek professional help and support in order to navigate the loneliness we may be feeling.

But here are just a few pointers to help us navigate this sensitive topic and begin to find a roadmap – particularly for those who are starting out on their leadership journey:

• Don’t accept the loneliness of leadership as an inevitability. Rather see leadership as an opportunity to forge diverse relationships that can add great richness to your life.

• Reach out to people. Be vulnerable. Don’t try and be invincible. Be honest about your weaknesses and shortcomings.

• Offer hospitality. This is the biblical antidote to loneliness.

• Watch how busy you are getting. Take up a hobby which can provide fuel for relationship building and for making conversation.

• Always be accountable… don’t make decisions in isolation. Include people into your decision making process. Share the load.

• Mentor/disicple others. Pass on your knowledge, experiences – the good, the bad and the ugly.

• Commit to a church and don’t give up meeting with others – even when it gets tough…

  And let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.’ (Hebrews 10:24-25)