June 2019

I have had numerous conversations recently with leaders who are recognising the need to become more vulnerable in their leadership. However, they are concerned that exposing weakness may undermine their leadership authority. For too long, leaders have been told (either implicitly or explicitly) that revealing weaknesses leaves us open to being exploited and manipulated. I believe this is a leadership myth that desperately needs to be busted.

The mantra goes something like: ‘If you don’t have the confidence to follow through on a decision, then fake it till you make it.’ In other words, deceive your followers into thinking that you don’t have doubts, that you are somehow impenetrable in your conclusions, and, therefore, you are devoid of weaknesses. If you don’t feel that way… fake it. Don’t reveal what you feel on the inside. And if you harden yourself enough in this way, then perhaps you just might make it… you’ll deceive people long enough for them to believe you are the persona that you are portraying.

Additionally, if you are feeling low, down or overwhelmed, then the answer is fake it till you make it. Leaders don’t have the luxury to show their feelings – particularly to their so-called sub-ordinates. Suck it up! If you reveal emotional weakness then your days will be numbered as a leader because there’s always someone with the mental toughness ready to step into your shoes.

This is the myth of super-hero leadership that I have sought to debunk in Grab a Towel. Fake it till you make it is not a hallmark of Christ-centred servant leaders because I don’t think those are words that would have come from the lips of Jesus Christ.

Jesus had no problem with expressing vulnerability because he didn’t lead from an impenetrable fortress of autocracy. Rather, he led out of relationships forged through loving friendship, devoted companionship, and genuine trust. As such, Jesus was not afraid to publicly express grief (Jn. 11:35), compassion (Mt. 9:36), tiredness (Jn. 4:6), frustration (Mk. 9:19)  and feeling overwhelmed with sorrow (Mt. 26:38). He allowed those closest to him to see him at his most vulnerable giving them an example that they should follow him (Jn. 13:15).

Likewise, David, the great king of Israel, had no issue expressing his vulnerabilities and frustrations. Read any of the psalms he penned which are painfully transparent as he grappled with issues of failure, fear and faith.

Both King David, and Jesus, the Son of David, show us that being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness that will lead to rejection. Rather, being vulnerable takes courage and strength. Perhaps this is best expressed in the words that they both utilised in their time of greatest trial… ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me’ (penned originally by David in Psalm 22:1 and quoted by Jesus on the cross – see Matthew 27:46). David and Jesus did not fake it till they made it . They publicly confessed their anguish. And their example has stood the test of time. In particular, Jesus’ continues to draw the trust of hundreds of millions of followers who relate to his humanity, while worshiping his divinity.  

Ultimately, being fake breaks trust. It seems almost too obvious to need to write it out. If you buy a product with a certain label on it only to find out that it’s a counterfeit, then you would not trust that supplier again. Surely we should apply that same logic to our leaders. If you found out your leader was faking it in their attempt to make it, would you continue to trust them, respect them, and follow them?

We live in a world where fake is being capitalised on – to the detriment of our society. Fake news has always been around in various guises, but the internet has turned it into a multi-million-dollar industry. Due to the propensity to propagating lies, we now need to ‘fact check’ everything we read to ensure it is trustworthy. And all of us, through a toxic combination of social media and Photoshop, are able to portray a fake image of ourselves to the world. We then need to deal with the incongruity of knowing that what we display on the outside is not who we really are (so much so that we might want to call one of the platforms FakeBook). This leads to feelings of insecurity and growing fears that we will ultimately be rejected when people actually discover the truth about us. So the vicious cycle of faking it continues until we eventually are too broken to function effectively (expressed in burnout, depression, loneliness etc).

Hopefully the myth has been busted. Christ-centred servant leaders don’t need to fake it till they make it. Rather, we need to be committed to the following:

1. Authenticity. We don’t need to try to be someone else and we mustn’t always pretend that everything is OK. Rick Warren has written: You are not authentic until you can publicly admit how inauthentic you are most of the time. Authenticity begins when you start admitting that you are inauthentic.

Yes, we can learn from others and ultimately we learn from the example of Christ. We must allow Jesus to transform us from the inside out through the power of the Holy Spirit. This happens over time as we cultivate our relationship with him. But this process cannot be short-circuited or manipulated. We need to acknowledge that we are a work in process. Simply saying ‘I don’t have all the answers’, can free us and enable us to learn from others, lean on others and commit to being someone who leads out of relationships rather than position or power.

2. Vulnerability. Let me take some pressure off you… you will make mistakes. You will let people down, fail, want to give up, feel down – etc. etc. (I’ve got all those t-shirts). You get the picture! The reality is that everyone you lead already knows your failings – normally better than you know them yourself. And they know that they also have their own weaknesses and struggles. By admitting your own struggles, you give other people permission to also be vulnerable about their difficulties. This is a culture we need to imbibe in our families, organisations and churches. It provides an environment for people to be free to be authentic. This is why James teaches us to: confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Confession and prayer are two timeless disciplines that all servant leaders need to model… and they are antidote to being tempted to fake it.
3. Integrity. The Blackaby’s state it well: Integrity means being consistent in one’s behaviour under every circumstance, including those unguarded moments. If leaders are normally peaceable and well mannered, but they throw violent temper tantrums when things go wrong, their lives lack integrity. If leaders are honest and moral in public, but discard those standards in private, their lives lack integrity. When leaders have integrity, their followers always know what to expect. Simply put, those who fake it lack integrity and are untrustworthy. Integrity demands that we seek to be consistent, honest and open. This is the pathway to forging a Christ-like character (see chapter 1 of Grab a Towel).

The reality is, we don’t serve anyone by being fake. Servant leaders grab a towel and serve others through being authentic, vulnerable and maintaining their integrity. This allows God to turn weaknesses into strengths. It’s a brave path that is not trodden by many leaders in the 21st century. Let’s not fake it till we break it, but follow the mantra of Paul who said, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (1 Cor. 12:10).